Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6We have made it to Day 7
Over the past week, we have walked through the fire together. We have talked about the crisis, the cracks, the church, the questions, the grief, and what remains. It has been hard. I know. But you have made it. And that matters.
Today, I want to talk about what comes next. What does it mean to come through the other side? What does it look like to rebuild, or to let go? What is waiting for you on the other side of deconstruction?
The Two Paths
Let me be honest. There are two possible outcomes to deconstruction. Not everyone will land in the same place. And both places are okay.
Path one: you rebuild. Somewhere in the rubble, you find something worth building on. Maybe it is Jesus. Maybe it is some version of God. Maybe it is the teachings of the church without the institution. You rebuild, different than before, but with something real at the foundation.
Path two: you let go. You go through the fire and you come out the other side and you realize you do not believe anymore. The faith is gone. The church is gone. The God is gone. And you have to figure out how to live without it.
Both paths are valid. Both paths are hard. Both paths lead somewhere. And there is no right answer. Only your answer. Only what is true for you.
If You Rebuild
If you rebuild, it will not look like before. It will not feel like before. Your faith will be different. It will be smaller, maybe. More honest. More questioned. Less certain. But it will be yours.
You will believe things you chose to believe, not things you inherited. You will have asked questions and found answers that work for you, or questions that do not have answers but do not matter anymore. You will have been through the fire and come out the other side with something that can withstand the heat.
Your faith might be smaller, but it will be stronger. Not because it is more protected, but because it is chosen. You chose it. You tested it. You found it to be true.
And you will have compassion for others going through what you went through. You will not be quick to judge. You will not be quick to fix. You will know what it is to be in the fire.
If You Let Go
If you let go, it will also be okay. It will be hard, but it will be okay.
You will have to rebuild your life from the rubble. Your identity will need to be redefined. Your community will need to be found. Your meaning will need to be discovered. That is hard work. But it is possible.
You will be free. Free from the beliefs that were harmful. Free from the church that hurt you. Free from the God who did not show up. That freedom has a cost, but it also has a gift.
You will have been through the fire and come out the other side. You will know who you are. You will know what you believe. You will know what you do not believe. And that is more than most people can say.
You will not have faith. But you will have honesty. And that is something.
The Third Path
Actually, there is a third path. It is the path I am on, and maybe the path many of you will be on. It is the path of not knowing.
You do not know if you believe. You do not know if you will rebuild or let go. You are living in the question. You are comfortable with uncertainty. You are waiting to see what happens.
That is also okay. It is the path of faith as journey, not destination. It is the path of being okay with not knowing. It is the path of living in the question and seeing where it leads.
God is big enough to handle your doubt. And if He is not real, He is big enough to handle your disbelief. Either way, you are okay.
A Final Word
This has been a hard series. I know. It has been honest, maybe too honest. It has not given you easy answers. It has not told you what to believe.
But it has done something. It has walked with you. It has told you that you are not alone. It has told you that what you are going through is real and valid and human.
That is what I wanted to give you. Not answers. Company. Not certainty. Presence. Someone to walk through the fire with you.
Wherever you go from here, whatever you believe, however your story ends, know this. You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not failing. You are awake. You are honest. You are asking the questions that need to be asked.
That is more than most people will ever do. And it matters.
Thank you for walking through this with me. Now go live your life. Whatever that looks like.
Name Your Path
Which path are you on? Are you rebuilding? Are you letting go? Are you in the waiting room? There is no wrong answer. Take a moment to name where you are. It might help you see where you are going.
- Which path am I on?
- What does my path look like?
- What am I afraid of about my path?
- What would it look like to be at peace with my path?
- Am I putting pressure on myself to arrive somewhere?
- What would it look like to enjoy the journey?
- What have I learned from this process that I would not have learned any other way?
You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not failing. You are awake. You are asking the questions that need to be asked. That matters.
Father, I am at the end of this series and I do not know where I am going. Some days I feel like rebuilding. Some days I feel like letting go. Some days I do not know what I feel.
Help me to be okay with not knowing. Help me to take as long as I need. Whatever path I end up on, help me to be at peace with it.
Thank you for walking with me through this fire. And thank you for not leaving me alone in it. In Jesus Name, Amen.
You are not alone. You are not crazy. You are not failing. You are awake. You are asking the questions that need to be asked. That matters.
With honesty and hope,
Claire