My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Matthew 27:46Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, Sit here while I go over there and pray. He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and deeply troubled.
Matthew 26:36-37There are questions that keep you up at night
Questions that you cannot ask out loud because you are afraid of what they mean. Questions that have no easy answers. Questions that, if you are honest, you do not even know how to formulate.
Today, I want to name those questions. Not to answer them. I cannot answer them. But to let you know that you are not alone in asking them. And that asking them does not make you a bad Christian. It makes you a human being trying to figure out what is true.
The Question of Evidence
Is any of this real? That is the big question, is it not? Is there a God? Did Jesus actually rise from the dead? Is the Bible true? Is any of this based on evidence, or is it just faith?
You are not crazy for asking these questions. They are the most important questions a person can ask. And they deserve more than easy answers. They deserve honest investigation.
What I have learned is this. The evidence for Christianity is not as strong as I was told. It is not as weak as its critics say. It is somewhere in the middle, and it requires interpretation. And if you are going through deconstruction, your interpretation has changed.
That is okay. It is okay to not know. It is okay to say I am not sure. It is okay to live in the question for a while.
The Question of Evil
If God is good and God is sovereign, why is there so much suffering? That question has broken more faith than any other. It is called the problem of evil, and it has no easy answer.
You were probably given an answer when you were younger. Maybe you were told that suffering is a test, or a punishment, or a lesson. Maybe you were told that God has a plan and we just cannot see it.
Those answers might have worked once. But they do not work anymore. Because you have seen too much. Because you have experienced too much. Because the suffering you have seen cannot be explained away.
Here is the honest truth. I do not know why suffering exists. I know that God is supposed to be sovereign and good. I know that He allows terrible things to happen. And I do not understand it. I do not pretend to.
What I know is this. Jesus suffered. He knows what it is to be in pain. He knows what it is to be abandoned. He knows what it is to cry out and feel like God is not there. And that matters. It matters that the Son of God went through the fire.
The Question of Identity
Who am I if I am not a Christian? That is another big question. Your identity was built around your faith. You were a Christian, a follower of Jesus, a child of God. And now that identity is shaking. What is left?
Here is what I want to tell you. You were never just your faith. You are a person. A soul. A human being with value and dignity and worth. That value does not come from believing the right things. It comes from being human. From being loved by God, if there is a God. From being part of the story, if there is a story.
Your identity might be in crisis. But that crisis is also an invitation. An invitation to discover who you really are, underneath the labels and the roles and the expectations.
The Question of What Comes Next
What happens if I leave? What happens if I do not believe anymore? What happens to my life, my relationships, my meaning, my future?
The fear of losing faith is often worse than the loss itself. We are afraid of what we will become. We are afraid of the emptiness. We are afraid that without God, life has no meaning.
Here is what I want to tell you. People leave faith all the time and live meaningful lives. People leave faith all the time and find new sources of meaning. People leave faith all the time and are fine. Not perfect, but fine. Not without struggle, but without the particular struggle of believing something they cannot believe anymore.
And some people leave and come back. Different than before. More honest than before. More real than before.
The future is not as terrifying as it seems. It is just unknown. And unknown is not the same as bad.
Tomorrow, we are going to talk about grieving the God you lost. It is a hard conversation, but it is a necessary one.
Name Your Question
What question keeps you up at night? Is it the question of evidence? Of evil? Of identity? Of meaning? Take a moment to name the question. Sometimes naming it is the first step to finding an answer, or to finding peace without one.
- What is the question that keeps me up at night?
- Why am I afraid to ask it out loud?
- What have I been told about this question before?
- What would it look like to live without an answer?
- What am I afraid will happen if I cannot find an answer?
- Is it okay to live in the question?
- What would it look like to find peace without certainty?
Asking questions does not make you a bad Christian. It makes you a human being trying to figure out what is true. The questions are worth asking, even if the answers are hard to find.
Father, I bring before you the questions that keep me up at night. I do not have easy answers and I am tired of pretending I do.
Help me to ask my questions honestly and to live with not knowing. Do not let my uncertainty drive me away from you. Even if I cannot believe everything I once believed, help me to stay in the search.
Give me peace in the question. Remind me that many great thinkers have asked these same questions and that asking them does not make me less faithful. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Asking questions does not make you a bad Christian. It makes you a human being trying to figure out what is true. The questions are worth asking, even if the answers are hard to find.
With honesty and hope,
Claire