But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Matthew 5:28 (NIV)Matthew 5:27-30
James 1:14-15
Colossians 3:5
The Church Only Talks About One Thing
When the church talks about lust, it talks about one thing. Looking at someone and wanting their body. That is the definition. That is the warning. That is the sermon. And while that is absolutely a form of lust, it is not the only one. And by focusing exclusively on it, we miss the deeper, more subtle forms that are just as destructive.
Jesus said lust happens in the heart before it happens with the eyes. Matthew 5:28. The heart. Not the retina. The heart. And the heart is capable of lusting after things that have nothing to do with physical appearance.
Lust Is Consumption
Jesus is not just talking about sexual attraction. He is talking about consumption. About looking at a person and reducing them to what they can give you. That is the core of lust. Not the specific object. The posture of the heart. Taking something that is not yours and deciding you want to consume it.
The Forms of Lust the Church Does Not Name
Here are the forms of lust the church does not talk about.
Emotional lust. The desire for someone else to make you feel valued, understood, and important. Not because you are in a healthy relationship. Because you are empty and looking for someone to fill you up. You crave their attention. You replay their texts. You feel high when they respond and crushed when they do not. That is lust. Using someone emotionally the way you would use them physically.
Validation lust. The need to be desired. Not for connection. For proof that you are worth something. You dress a certain way, post a certain photo, flirt in a certain manner, not because you want a relationship. Because you want the hit of being wanted. And the person giving you that hit is not a person. They are a mirror.
Fantasy lust. Not the visual kind. The narrative kind. Creating elaborate scenarios in your head about a relationship that does not exist. Imagining conversations, moments, futures with someone who has no idea you are building a life with them in your mind. That is not romance. That is consumption. You are using a real person as a prop in your internal story.
The Posture, Not the Object
Lust is not about the object. It is about the posture. Any time you look at a person and see what they can give you instead of who they are, you are lusting. Whether it is their body, their attention, their validation, or their emotional energy.
The Remedy Is Love
The remedy for lust is not willpower. It is love. Real love. The kind that sees a person as a whole human being with their own needs, their own story, their own dignity. Lust reduces. Love honors. And the shift between the two is not a rule change. It is a heart change.
God is not trying to ruin your desire. He is trying to purify it. To move you from consumption to connection. From taking to giving. From using a person to loving a person. That is not a restriction. That is an upgrade.
See the Person
The next time you catch yourself thinking about someone in a lustful way, stop and ask: Am I seeing this person as a person, or as what they can give me?
- Which form of lust do I struggle with most?
- What am I looking for that God wants to give me instead?
- How would my relationships change if I focused on connection instead of consumption?
- Am I willing to be honest about the forms of lust I struggle with?
- Do I believe God wants to purify my desire, not kill it?
- Who could I ask to hold me accountable in this area?
Which form of lust resonates most with you? Emotional? Validation? Fantasy? Visual? Be honest. No one is reading this but you and God. Name it. And then pray: God, show me where I am consuming instead of connecting. Where I am using instead of loving. Change my posture, not just my behavior.
God, search my heart and reveal the ways I am lusting that I may not even see. I want to love, not consume. Help me to see people as You see them, not as objects to use, but as image-bearers to honor. Transform my desire from something that takes to something that gives. In Jesus Name, Amen.
Lust is deeper than you thought. And grace is deeper still. God is not trying to take your desire away. He is trying to redirect it toward what it was designed for: real connection, not consumption. The shift happens in the heart, not just in behavior.
Day 2. Lust is deeper than you thought.
With honesty and hope, Claire