"Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, 'I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!'"
Mark 9:24 (NIV)John 20:24-29, James 1:5-8, Jude 1:22-23
What Not to Do When Your Child Doubts
Your child sat at the dinner table and said something that made your stomach drop. "I am not sure I believe anymore." Or "Why does God allow suffering?" Or "What if the Bible is not actually true?" And in that moment, every instinct in your body screamed to shut it down, correct them, quote a verse, and restore order.
Do not do that. That is the worst thing you can do.
When your child doubts the faith you raised them in, they are not attacking you. They are not rejecting God. They are doing the hardest, bravest thing a young believer can do. They are thinking for themselves. And that is exactly what you wanted them to do. Just not about this.
Your child's doubt is not a crisis. It is an invitation. An invitation to stop teaching them answers and start exploring questions together. An invitation to show them that faith can handle hard things. That God is not fragile. That the Bible does not crumble under scrutiny.
The Father in the Gospels Held Both Faith and Doubt
A father in the Gospels stood in front of Jesus and admitted that his faith and his doubt were living in the same chest at the same time. He did not choose one over the other. He held both. And Jesus did not rebuke him. He healed his son. Jesus is not threatened by honest doubt. He is honored by it. Because honest doubt is not the opposite of faith. It is faith working through confusion.
Here is what not to do. Do not panic. Do not call their youth pastor. Do not buy them an apologetics book and leave it on their bed like a hint. Do not tell them they are going through a phase. Do not make them feel like their questions are a betrayal of everything you taught them.
What to Do Instead
Listen. Actually listen. Not to respond. To understand. Ask them what sparked the doubt. What question keeps them up at night. What they are most afraid of losing. And then sit with them in the uncertainty without trying to fix it.
Say "I do not know" when you do not know. Say "that is a really good question." Say "I am glad you are asking this instead of pretending you are not." Say "let us figure this out together." Say "I love you no matter what you believe right now."
That last one is the most important. Your child needs to know that your love is not conditional on their doctrinal precision. They need to know that home is a safe place to doubt. Because if home is not safe, they will find somewhere else to land. And that somewhere else might not have the grace you want them to find.
Deconstruction Is Not Always Destruction
Sometimes it is renovation. Your child is tearing down the faith they inherited so they can build the faith they own. That is not a bad thing. That is maturity. It is messy and it is uncomfortable and it scares you as a parent. But it is necessary.
Reflect on Your Own Journey
Think back to your own faith journey. When did you first doubt something you were taught? How did the people around you respond? Did their response draw you closer to God or push you away? Your child needs the response you wish you had received.
- When did I first doubt something I was taught about faith?
- How did the people around me respond to my doubt?
- What would I want my child to experience when they doubt?
- Am I making my child feel like their doubt is a betrayal?
- Is my home a safe place for my child to question their faith?
- Am I listening to understand or listening to respond?
God is not afraid of your child's questions. He planted the curiosity that is driving them. He is big enough to handle their doubt. And He is asking you to do the same.
Lord, You are not threatened by my child's questions. Give me the same courage to sit with them in uncertainty without trying to fix it. Help me to love them no matter what they believe. Keep my home as a safe place for them to wrestle. And let my response draw them closer to You, not push them away. In Jesus Name, Amen.
God is not afraid of your child's questions. He planted the curiosity that is driving them. He is big enough to handle their doubt. And He is asking you to do the same.
Day 2. Your child is not losing their faith. They are finding their own. That is terrifying and beautiful at the same time. Hold them through it.
With honesty and hope, Claire