Niceness Is Not the Fruit of the Spirit

We have made being nice into a Christian virtue. We have made agreeableness into a spiritual fruit. We have made not offending into godliness.

We think if we are nice enough, we are holy enough. We think if we do not ruffle feathers, we are faithful. We think if we do not say hard things, we are loving.

But I have been wondering: is niceness the same as holiness? Is agreeableness the same as godliness? Is not offending the same as love?

This is a hard question. But I think it is an important one.

The Niceness We Have Become

We have become a church that does not say hard things. We have become a faith that does not challenge. We have become a people who do not offend.

We have learned to be nice. We have learned to agree. We have learned to not say what needs to be said.

When someone is wrong, we do not say so. We nod. When something is false, we do not correct. We stay quiet. When something is sin, we do not name it. We look away.

We have become nice. But is nice the same as holy?

Let me give you an example. Someone in the church is living in a way that is clearly against Scripture. They are not following Jesus. They are following themselves. And everyone knows.

But no one says anything. Because we do not want to offend. We do not want to be unkind. We do not want to be unloving.

We stay nice. We stay quiet. We stay comfortable. And we call this love.

But is it? Is keeping quiet when someone is walking in sin the same as loving them? Is not offending the same as caring?

Notice what Paul does not say. He does not say "staying quiet in love." He does not say "being nice in love." He says "speaking the truth in love."

Truth-speaking is part of love. Not truth-avoding. Not niceness-disguised-as-love.

We are supposed to speak truth. We are supposed to do it in love. But we are supposed to speak truth.

What Niceness Is Actually Doing

Let me tell you what niceness is actually doing. It is hiding. It is avoiding. It is refusing to speak truth in the name of love.

We say we are being loving. We say we do not want to offend. We say we are being kind.

But here is what is happening: we are letting people continue in sin. We are letting error go uncorrected. We are letting falsehood spread.

We are not helping. We are not loving. We are abandoning. We are using niceness as an excuse to avoid the hard thing: speaking truth.

Here is what niceness is actually saying: "I do not want to ruffle feathers. I do not want to be uncomfortable. I do not want to say hard things. So I will stay nice. I will stay quiet. I will stay comfortable."

This is not what love looks like. Love speaks. Love corrects. Love says hard things.

Paul is saying: we have this ministry. It is not nice. It is not comfortable. It is mercy. But it is a ministry.

Ministry is not niceness. Ministry is not always comfortable. Ministry is not always nice.

But we have made it nice. We have made it comfortable. We have made it nice.

The Problem With Niceness

I want to name something that is rarely talked about. When niceness is our goal, we are not helping. We are abandoning. We are refusing to speak truth in the name of comfort.

Think about what happens in the person who is living in sin. No one tells them. Everyone stays nice. Everyone stays quiet.

They continue in their sin. They continue in their error. And no one says anything. Because we are being nice. Because we do not want to offend.

But this is not helping. This is abandoning. This is refusing to speak truth.

What they need is someone to speak truth. Someone to say: "This is not right. This is not following Jesus. This is sin."

What they need is not niceness. They need truth. They need to be told. They need to be corrected.

And if we love them, we will tell them. Even if it is not nice. Even if it is not comfortable. Even if it offends.

Paul is naming the sin. He is not being nice. He is not being comfortable. He is naming what is happening.

And he tells them to "hand this man over to Satan." This is not nice. This is not comfortable. But it is truth.

This is what love looks like. It names sin. It corrects error. It does not stay nice.

What the Fruit Actually Is

Let me tell you what the fruit actually is. It is not niceness. It is not agreeableness.

Let me read the list:

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

Notice what is on the list: kindness. Not niceness. Kindness.

Kindness is not the same as niceness. Niceness is about comfort. Kindness is about the other person's good.

Sometimes the kind thing is not the nice thing. Sometimes the kind thing is the hard thing. Sometimes the kind thing is the offensive thing.

Let me give you an example. A doctor gives an injection. It is not nice. It hurts. But it is kind. It prevents disease.

That is kindness. Not niceness. The injection is not nice, but it is kind.

We have confused kindness with niceness. We think if it is not nice, it is not kind. But sometimes the kind thing is not nice.

And notice what else is on the list: faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. These are not niceness. Faithfulness is staying. Gentleness is strength in touch. Self-control is saying no.

These are not nice. But they are fruit.

The Invitation to Kindness

We are invited to kindness, not niceness. We are invited to speak truth, not avoid it. We are invited to love, not comfort.

This kind of truth-speaking produces what niceness never can: correction, healing, restoration.

When we speak truth, we free people to actually change. We free them from their sin. We free them from their error.

This is the better way. It costs us more. It requires us to say hard things, to be uncomfortable, to not be nice. But it produces something niceness never can: actual help, real love, true restoration.

Let us be kind instead of nice. Let us speak truth instead of staying quiet. Let us be like Jesus, who cleared the temple with a whip, who called the Pharisees "broods of vipers," who told Peter "Get behind me, Satan."

That is not nice. But it is kind. It is truth. It is love.

We are supposed to speak truth. That is how we grow. That is how we become mature. Not by being nice, but by speaking truth.