Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2 (NIV)Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
Philippians 2:12-13 (NIV)The Hard Work of Change
Breaking the cycle is not easy. It is not something that happens overnight. It is not a prayer you pray and then you are free. It is hard work. It takes time. It takes intention. It takes help.
But it is possible. And I want to show you how.
Step One: Name It
The first step to breaking the cycle is naming it. You have to call it what it is. You have to acknowledge what happened. You have to stop pretending it did not happen or that it did not affect you.
This is not about blaming your parents. It is about being honest about where you came from. It is about understanding the patterns so you can change them.
Step Two: Own It
The second step is owning your part. This is not about taking blame for what was done to you. It is about taking responsibility for what you do with what was done to you.
You cannot control what happened to you. But you can control how you respond to it. You can choose not to pass it on. You can choose to heal. You can choose to change.
That is ownership. Not blame. Responsibility.
Step Three: Get Help
You cannot do this alone. I know we like to think we can. I know we want to be strong and independent. But breaking generational patterns requires help.
You might need a counselor. A therapist. A coach. A support group. You might need to talk to someone who knows how to help people heal from trauma.
There is no shame in getting help. In fact, getting help is a sign of strength. It is a sign that you are serious about change.
Step Four: Do the Work
Healing takes work. It takes time. It takes doing the thing even when you do not want to.
It might mean going to therapy. It might mean setting boundaries with your family. It might mean changing how you parent. It might mean breaking up with old friends. It might mean getting honest about your own patterns.
Identify Your Next Step
Do you need to name it? Own it? Get help? Do the work? Take a moment to consider what the next step is for you. Then take one action toward it today.
- What step do I need to take: name it, own it, get help, or do the work?
- What help do I need but have been afraid to ask for?
- What patterns am I still repeating without knowing it?
- What would it mean to pass on healing instead of hurt?
- Am I still pretending it did not happen?
- What am I doing with what was done to me?
- Where have I been trying to do this alone?
- Am I ready to do the work even when it is hard?
Lord, I confess I have been trying to break this cycle alone. I cannot do it by myself. Give me the courage to name what happened. Help me own my part without blaming. Lead me to the help I need. Give me the strength to do the work. Break the cycle in me. In Jesus' name, Amen.
When you break the cycle, you have a responsibility to help others break theirs. You are proof that it is possible.
With honesty and hope, Claire