The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; the fathers sins will be visited on the children and grandchildren, to the third and fourth generation.
Exodus 34:6-7 (NIV)You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me.
Exodus 20:5 (NIV)The Family Patterns
There is something in your family tree. You know it. It has been there for as long as you can remember. It shapes the way your family operates. It influences the choices you make. It affects the people you become.
Maybe it is addiction. Alcoholism. Drug use. Gambling. Sex. Food. Work. Something that runs through your family like a thread, appearing in every generation.
The Inherited Wounds
Maybe it is abuse. Physical. Emotional. Sexual. Verbal. The kind of abuse that leaves invisible scars, that shapes the way you see yourself and others. Maybe it is mental illness. Depression. Anxiety. Bipolar disorder. Something that no one talked about but everyone lived with.
Maybe it is dysfunction. The kind of family where no one talks about feelings, where everything is fine on the surface, where the rules are unspoken and the consequences are real.
Not an Excuse, an Explanation
Whatever it is, it is there. And it is affecting you. We learn from our families. Not just by being told what to do. By watching. By absorbing. By living in the environment they created.
Here is something I need you to hear. You cannot just get over it. I know people tell you that. I know they say just forgive, just move on, just let it go. But it is not that simple.
You are not just dealing with your own stuff. You are dealing with years of stuff. Generations of stuff. Patterns that started before you were born and will continue after you are gone if you do not break them.
Name the Pattern
Is it addiction? Abuse? Mental illness? Dysfunction? Take a moment to name it. Naming it is the first step to breaking it. Write down what runs in your family. Do not judge it. Just name it.
- What pattern runs in my family?
- How did this pattern show up in my childhood?
- How do I see it showing up in my life now?
- What is the difference between an excuse and an explanation?
- What water am I swimming in that I cannot see?
- Am I ready to stop pretending it does not affect me?
- Can I separate where I came from from where I am going?
- What would breaking this pattern look like?
Lord, I come from a family with patterns I did not choose. Some of them are harmful. Some of them are painful. I acknowledge where I came from. Help me see the water I am swimming in. Give me the courage to break patterns that should not continue. I choose to go somewhere different. In Jesus' name, Amen.
You will not heal from that wound until you name it. Until you acknowledge it. Until you stop pretending it did not happen or does not affect you.
With honesty and hope, Claire