"Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters."
Romans 14:1"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
Ephesians 4:2-3The church is full of people who disagree with each other. About theology. About politics. About parenting. About money. About everything. And the default response to disagreement in the church has become separation. If we cannot agree, we cannot stay in relationship. If you believe that and I believe this, we cannot share a table. We cannot serve together. We cannot call each other brother or sister.
That is not biblical. That is not Jesus. And it is destroying the church from the inside out.
Disputable vs. Non-Disputable
Paul drew a line. Some things are disputable. Some things are not. Food, drink, special days, cultural practices. These are disputable. The deity of Christ, the resurrection, salvation by grace, the authority of Scripture. These are not. And the church has spent the last two thousand years treating disputable matters as non-negotiable and non-negotiable matters as optional.
You can disagree with someone and still love them. You can hold your conviction and still hold their hand. You can believe you are right and still believe they are your brother or sister. Those two things are not mutually exclusive. They are the definition of Christian maturity.
Five Practices for Holding Both
First, know the difference between a hill to die on and a hill to discuss. The gospel is a hill to die on. Your worship style preference is not. The resurrection is a hill to die on. Your view of end-times chronology is not. Love your enemy is a hill to die on. Your political party is not.
Second, listen before you argue. Most disagreements in the church are not about theology. They are about misunderstanding. People think they disagree when they actually just have not heard each other. Sit down. Ask questions. Listen to understand, not to respond. You might find that you agree on more than you thought.
Third, separate the person from the position. Someone can hold a view you think is wrong and still be a good person, a faithful Christian, and a valuable member of the body. Their position does not define their worth. Their worth is in Christ. Always was. Always will be.
Fourth, be willing to be wrong. Not about everything. Not about the core of the faith. But about the things you are not sure about. The things you have not studied enough to be dogmatic about. The things that are more cultural than biblical. Humility is not weakness. It is the strongest form of confidence. It says "I believe what I believe, but I am open to learning."
Fifth, choose the relationship. When push comes to shove, when the disagreement is real and the tension is high, choose the person over the position. Not every time. Not on the core issues. But on the things that divide us unnecessarily, choose the relationship. Because the relationship is the witness. The world will not know we are Christians by our theology. They will know by our love.
Make every effort. Not some effort. Every effort. Unity is not automatic. It is work. Hard, frustrating, exhausting work. But it is the work Jesus called us to. And it is the work that makes the church what it is supposed to be. Not a collection of people who agree on everything. A family that loves each other despite the disagreement.
Choose the Relationship
When the disagreement is real and the tension is high, choose the person over the position. Not on the core issues. But on the things that divide us unnecessarily, choose the relationship.
- What is the difference between disputable and non-disputable matters?
- Which practice for holding both is hardest for you?
- Who do you need to choose the relationship over?
- What would it look like to make every effort toward unity?
- How is the world watching to see if you love despite disagreement?
God, the church is messy. But so am I. Help me to love the people I disagree with. Help me to hold my convictions with humility and my relationships with tenacity. Help me to be the kind of person who stays when leaving would be easier. And help me to believe that the church, broken as it is, is still the thing You are building. In Jesus' name, Amen.
The church is broken. But it is also the only thing Jesus said He would build. He is not building a perfect church. He is building a real one. Made of cracked vessels. Made of people who disagree, who argue, who hurt each other, who forgive each other, who stay.
With honesty and hope, Claire