"Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel. Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured."
Ezekiel 34:2-4The word pastor means shepherd. A shepherd protects the sheep. Feeds them. Leads them. Stays with them in the dark. A shepherd does not use the sheep. Does not exploit them. Does not demand their loyalty while offering nothing in return. A shepherd serves.
But not every person who stands behind a pulpit is a shepherd. Some are wolves in shepherd's clothing. And the damage they do is deeper than any other kind of harm, because it comes wrapped in holy language and backed by spiritual authority.
God Is Furious with Bad Shepherds
God is furious with bad shepherds. Not disappointed. Furious. He uses the strongest language in the prophetic tradition. Woe. That is not a gentle rebuke. That is divine anger. And it is directed at the people who are supposed to be caring for the most vulnerable.
Spiritual abuse is not always dramatic. Sometimes it is subtle. A leader who uses Scripture to control instead of free. A pastor who demands loyalty instead of earning trust. A church culture that punishes questions and rewards compliance. These are not minor issues. They are shepherds feeding themselves.
What Spiritual Abuse Looks Like
Here is what spiritual abuse looks like. A leader who tells you that questioning them is questioning God. A pastor who isolates you from people outside the church. A culture that demands your time, your money, and your silence in exchange for belonging. A system where the leader is never wrong and the sheep are never heard. A community where confession is used as ammunition instead of grace.
If you have experienced this, hear me clearly. It is not your fault. You did not deserve it. You did not invite it. You trusted someone who was supposed to protect you, and they used that trust to hurt you. That is not your failure. That is theirs. And God sees it.
Healing from Spiritual Abuse
Healing from spiritual abuse is its own kind of grief. You are not just grieving the person who hurt you. You are grieving the trust you lost. The faith that was shaken. The church you thought you had. The God you thought you knew. All of it feels tainted. And untainting it takes time.
Here is what healing looks like. It starts with naming what happened. Not minimizing it. Not spiritualizing it. Naming it. "My leader abused their authority." "My church culture was controlling." "I was manipulated in the name of God." Say it. Write it. Bring it into the light. Abuse thrives in secrecy. Healing starts with honesty.
Then you find safe people. Not every church is safe. Not every leader is trustworthy. But some are. And finding them is worth the effort. Look for the leader who admits when they are wrong. Look for the church that welcomes questions. Look for the community where vulnerability is met with grace, not gossip.
And finally, you separate the shepherd from the Shepherd. The person who hurt you is not God. The church that failed you is not God. The culture that manipulated you is not God. God is the Good Shepherd who lays down His life for the sheep. Not takes it. Not exploits it. Lays it down. That is the God you are healing toward. Not the one you are healing from.
Name What Happened
If you have been hurt by a church leader, write down what happened. Not for anyone else. For you. Name it. And then pray this: "God, what was done to me was wrong. Help me separate the shepherd who hurt me from the Shepherd who would never. Heal my trust. Restore my faith. And lead me to people who reflect Your heart, not their ego."
- What are the signs of spiritual abuse?
- How does healing from spiritual abuse differ from other kinds of healing?
- What does it mean to separate the shepherd from the Shepherd?
- What would it look like to find safe people who reflect God's heart?
- How is God inviting you to trust again?
God, I bring the wounds I received in Your name. Help me to separate the shepherd who hurt me from the Shepherd who would never. Heal my trust. Restore my faith. Lead me to people who reflect Your heart, not their ego. I am not damaged goods. I am a wounded sheep. And You are carrying me. In Jesus' name, Amen.
You are not damaged goods. You are a wounded sheep. And the Good Shepherd is carrying you. Not back to the abusive fold. Forward into a pasture where you can finally rest.
With honesty and hope, Claire